Spiral through pages.

I still look up to you, even though its hard to look. 

I still hold on to pages inside of this closed book.

Though peace is what you need you took a piece from me.

And letting go is always hard because it doesnt mean Im free.

My heart beats louder still behind a veil of smiles.

It drops and pounds in ways that make this pain all worth the while.

I havent seen your face in more than just a minute though my lifes become a race all to achieve a peaceful livin, I hope you feel serene and happy as you sleep, and as you wake may rays of light dance lightly through your feet . May all the world smile back as you brighten up each room and when you look up at night I hope you see the moon, Im staring at it too. I want to see you happy, I want to see you glow, I feel happy in a sense if leaving helps you grow. I have so much more to offer and so much more to show. You bring about my light though not around to show.

Im already taking on the world, you just have to hold my hand.

I didnt know what to say, I didnt know what to do, I saw youre smile and I froze. I felt speechless seeing you in person, for what seemed like a very long time. My heart was in my throat and my mouth felt like it was filled with marbles. It was good to see you, but you already know how I feel.. and I wish you couldve felt my heart.

#Family

I got an mc hammer jumpsuit on lol

Tonight I helped my friend out with his basement show, felt like the phantom of the opera cause I had zits but luckily i kept making this face :| so I just blended in lol, I sometimes wonder what the purpose of a blog is, I guess its like a diary or log or journal or lol idk. I worked all day delivered to some sketchy ass places and got pretty decent tips even though some people were super stingy, I talked to an old friend briefly but it was good to hear them talk. I really want to know where my life is headed at this point, Im happy making money and excited to start school again this september, it all seems so far away though, hopefully I will have saved up and taken care of other things by then, I really want to work at the airport, I have to wait till some positions open up at an airline, I cant believe Im here, right now, its bitter sweet, I just dont know how long the bitter is going to last.  I gotta go to a sporting goods store and get a sweat suit, I gotta get my stuff out there, Ive been so busy with work I only have time to either work on my Ep or workout, working out always wins by default now, people say i’ve lost weight, I still have a long way to go. I’ve lost 20 pounds since Jan 20th, my goal for march is the same, I want to be all shiny and new and not look shitty, I wanna go dancing, but not that spanish stuff or club crap lol I wanna go dance swing like the 50s and 40s stuff :], Its pretty fun to look at and it would make me feel really nice if I could get my sea legs for that kind of style, I wish I could go on vacation but I need to stay here, and get everything in order, it seems as if I’ve been spending too much of my time trying to keep things from falling apart than I have been trying to build off of what I already have, I wonder if life is that simple, build up or fix it, its probably a combination of both. I want to see the world, fisrt I gotta concentrate on mine, I feel really apathetic around the environment I was in today, it felt kinda meh. I was excited to be helping people though I dont think I’ll  be doing much of that anytime soon. Tomorrow im meeting up with steve to disscuss a song he needs vocals on, it would be cool to hear my voice on a house track. I wish there were ways of exchanging emotions without saying words, I feel my words are a deterrent in some aspects of my life, like how often am I going to have to explain an emotion? I feel there is no point in expressing those things after a while it loses its strength, hopefully my actions ring louder than ever, I know it wont happen over night, it just takes hunger, Im hungry for life hungry, for knowledge, above all wisdom, and yet still hungry for love, I eat salad and drink water so hungry for food is not my priority lol , I actually have found my taste for salads and water something I havent felt since junior year , I miss the person who opened my eyes, I wonder if she misses any of me, Im building on new things to like lol like an upgraded version of me. I feel like a dork, sometimes a bit of a klutz bah Im rambling, goodnight world. 

I feel like a stripper when I count my monies